Holiday spirit
by barrani
Summary: My gift fic for Chit chat corner. Reid hates the holidays. Can Emily reintroduce him to the magic of Christmas? Can she be the gift waiting for him under the Christmas tree.
1. Chapter 1

A/N So this is my Christmas gift fic for jessalynnGSR. My pairing was Reid/Emily. And my prompts were Mr. Grinch, mistletoe, and an unconventional Christmas gift. On with the story.

Emily looked at the holiday decorations on her drive to work. She loved Christmas time. It's the most wonderful time of the year, to quote the song. Looking at the decorations caused her to wonder what a certain young genius was going to do for Christmas. He went all out for Halloween, surely he would go all out for Christmas. Maybe this was the time to tell him that she liked him. Really liked him. _Maybe I'll get him under the mistletoe, and surprise him. Nah that's a little too cliche. There's got to be a better way. Well I've got a couple of weeks to figure it out._

/

She sat at her desk waiting for him. It looked like she was working, and she was, well kinda. If we're being honest, mostly she was waiting for Dr. Reid. Every time the elevator dinged her eyes shot up anticipating that is was him stepping through the doors. Over and over again she was disappointed. It was never him. Finally unable to take it anymore she vowed to concentrate on her work. _Reid will get here when he gets here. It's not like I'm only going to see him for a couple of minutes, his desk is right next to mine. Focus Emily, focus._

She managed to focus on her work, so much so that when Reid did walk by she missed him. He didn't say hi. He just walked to his desk and got to work.

**You're a mean one,**  
**You're really are a heel**  
**You're as cuddly as a cactus**  
**You're as charming as an eel,**

**You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel**

He hated Christmas. It's the most depressing holiday. Christmas is about family, and the people you love. Reid had no one, well he had his mom, but no constant. No one that loved him and he could love in a healthy way.

Emily looked up and saw Reid sitting at his desk. "Hey Reid. Happy Holidays," she said in a cheerful and pleasant voice.

Reid looked up. She didn't need to be a profiler to see the bitterness on his face. He softened slightly, nodded, then resumed working.

_That was odd._

Emily decided to ignore it. Maybe he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

**You're a monster,**  
**You're hearts an empty hole**  
**You're brain is full of spiders**  
**You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch**  
**I wouldn't touch with a 39 and a half foot pole**

Morgan walked in a few minutes later. "Hey, Prentiss. Happy Holidays. Yo, Reid Happy Holidays."

Reid lifted his hand in acknowledgment, but didn't look up.

"Hey, Reid, who peed in your cereal?"

Reid ignored Morgan.

"Reid. Yo, answer me; what's your problem man."

"Leave me alone, Morgan. Not today. Just leave me alone."

"Hey, man. You can tell me. Are you all right?"

"Leave me the hell alone. Tell me, what did I do to be the butt of all your jokes. Just leave me the hell alone." Reid shot up and stormed into the break room.

Morgan and EMily looked at each other in confusion. Emily spoke first. "What was that?"

"I don't know. The only time I ever saw Reid like that was when ..."

_When he did drugs._ "You don't think ...?"

"No. He wouldn't. ... Would he?"

Emily stood up and walked over to the break room.

_Why did you do that? What's wrong with you? He was just saying hi. You've got to get a handle on this. What are you going to do next time? What if it's Hotch?_ He had absently picked up a coffee cup and filled it with coffee. He looked up and saw Emily approaching. _No. Not her. Not now._ He tried to walk past her, but she blocked his way. _Please don't do this? Not you?_ "May I get through?"

Emily crossed her arms and firmly held her ground. "What was that all about?"

Reid looked at the ground embarrassed, but didn't say anything.

Emily stepped closer and put her hand on Reid's arm. Reid stared at her hand. "Reid, what's going on? That wasn't you."

Reid continued staring at her hand. He spoke in a soft whisper, "Please. Leave it alone."

"Reid. I'm your friend. You can tell me."

Reid didn't say anything.

"Reid ... The last time you acted like this. ... You were ... ... ... You're not, are you?"

Reid smiled a sad smile. "No. It's nothing like that. Please, Emily let me get back to work."

He was pleading with her. She did the only thing she could she stepped aside. As Reid walked by her, she said, "I'm here for you. You know that, right? No matter what."

Reid could only nod.

/

Reid couldn't shake the mood he was in. _Emily said she's here for me. Does that mean? NO. No. It doesn't. She just means a friend. You got to stop thinking about her. Just suck it up, it's going to be a repeat of last year with only one change. _

**You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch!**  
**You're a nasty, wasty skunk!**  
**Your heart is full of unwashed socks.**  
**Your soul is full of gunk,**  
**Mr. Grinch!**

Garcia walked into the bullpen wearing a most festive sweater, that's the nice way of describing it. She was carrying a box of holiday decorations. "Hello, my lovelies. I asked the boss man if I could hang up decorations, and he said I could. So I am here to bring a little holiday cheer to your boring desks." She noticed Reid hadn't looked up. "Why so glum, sugar plum? I have just the thing to cheer you up."

"I don't want any decorations, Garcia."

"But it's Christmas. You have to decorate."

"No, I don't."

"Don't be a grinch, Reid."

"I'm not being a grinch. I just don't want any decorations."

"But Reid ..."

"No decorations."

**The three words that best describe you**  
**Are as follows, and I quote,**  
**"Stink, stank, stunk!"**

**You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch!**  
**You're the king of sinful sots!**  
**Your heart's a dead tomato,**  
**Splotched with moldy, purple spots,**  
**Mr. Grinch!**

Reid stood up and walked to Hotch's office. He knocked on the door and then opened it. He stepped in. "Hotch, can I go home early? We are on stand down, and I got all of my paperwork done."

"Reid, is something wrong?"

"I just need to go home, Hotch."

Hotch nodded. "All right, Reid. Take the day."

Reid nodded and walked to his desk. He packed up his things and walked out of the bullpen. He ignored the looks everyone was shooting him. He just needed to get home. He knew what he did was wrong. _They didn't know. They didn't do anything wrong. He would make it up to them later. Not today though. Today he needed to get away._

**Your soul is an apalling dump-heap,**  
**Overflowing with the most disgraceful**  
**assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,**  
**Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!**

/

Emily stood in front of the door to Reid's house. _Something is up with him. That wasn't Reid today. At least not the Reid I know._ She raised her hand and knocked on the door.

Reid answered the door, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to talk to you. And I'm not leaving until you tell me what is going on. Why did you act that way today?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, too bad, Dr. Reid." Emily said as she pushed her way into the apartment. "You're going to tell me."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because if you don't, you'll lose me forever."

**You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch!**  
**With a nauseous super naus!**  
**You're a crooked jerky jockey,**  
**And you drive a crooked hoss,**  
**Mr. Grinch!**

**You're a three-decker sauerkraut**  
**and toadstool sandwich,**  
**With arsenic sauce!**

A/N Review, let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N So that was an awesome response to the first chapter thank you all so much everyone that reviewed, everyone that favorited, and everyone that alerted. Thank you. I hope you like this second chapter. I own nothing including "Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley.

**I'll have a blue Christmas without you  
I'll be so blue just thinking about you  
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree  
Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me**

Driving home, he wanted to forget. That's all he wanted.

He wanted to shut his mind off, and feel nothing. He rubbed his arm unconsciously. He couldn't do that though. He wouldn't do that.

He walked into his apartment. Her ghost seemed to hang in the air. Memories of their time together flittered through his mind as he looked around the room. It was sparse; there were no decorations anywhere.

He couldn't take it anymore. He stumbled into a back room. He sat down on the bench in front of the black baby grand piano and he lost himself in the music.

He heard the knock on the door. He wondered who it was. Well, he wondered which team member it was. JJ probably, or maybe Morgan to yell at him for snapping at Garcia. He ignored the door for a moment. He knew they wouldn't leave and his car was outside, so they knew he was here. He wearily got up and moved towards the door.

"What are you doing here?" he said when he answered the door. He would not have picked Emily to be standing on the opposite side of his door.

"I'm here to talk to you. And I'm not leaving until you tell me what is going on. Why did you act that way today?"

"I don't want to talk about it." _Just leave me alone. _

"Well too bad, Dr. Reid," Emily said as she pushed her way into the apartment. "You're going to tell me."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because if you don't, you'll lose me forever."

That stopped him in his tracks. _I could lose her. I can't lose her. Not her. Not now._

She could see him pause, the wheels turning in his head. _Good, my threat worked_. She'd hoped he wouldn't call her bluff. She didn't want to lose him – not when she was so close.

He spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence. His voice was squeaky; he tried to normalize it. "What do you mean lose you? You're not mine." _I wish you were, but you never will be._

_I could be._ "This is it. Everything. It will end right here. Right now. Unless you tell me what's going on."

Reid was silent for a minute. "What do the holidays mean for you?"

Emily was a little startled. "What?"

"The holidays. What do they mean to you?"

"Possibility. Christmas is all about magic and love. It's the time when everything is forgotten and people get together and show their love to each other. Or at least that's what it's supposed to be about. ... My family wasn't the best. You know that. But we always celebrated Christmas together. It's the only time the family would be together all year."

Reid let out a joyless chuckle. "Our experiences are on opposite ends of the spectrum. ..." He looked away. "The holidays remind me that I'm alone. Always alone. My dad. My mom. High school. Always alone. After years of spending the holidays by myself ... in college I just gave up on the holiday.

"Last year I met a girl. We were going out for about seven months. Christmas was approaching." Reid let out another mirthless chuckle. "I thought for once I wouldn't be alone. That I would have a real Christmas. That I would get to see the magic and wonder that everyone else sees. I bought ornaments. I got a tree. It took me hours to decorate. I had a great gift for her. It was perfect. ..."

Emily stepped in closer, a sense of dread coming over her. "Reid, what happened with her?"

"She broke my heart a year ago today. ... I'm sorry about earlier. I was going to make it up to you and Garcia. It was just too much."

**And when the blue snowflakes start falling  
That's when those blue memories start calling  
You'll be doing all right with your Christmas of white  
But I'll have a blue Christmas**

Emily stepped forward and pulled Reid into a hug. She had never thought about how lonely Christmas could be to someone who has no one. About how depressing it must be for everyone to be happy and surrounded by the people they love, and to be the odd one out. It didn't excuse his behavior today, but she understood it now.

Reid pulled his head back and looked into her eyes. "I don't want to lose you, Emily." He leaned forward and pulled her closer. They stayed like that for a minute. One glorious minute.

Emily pulled back. "Come, Dr. Reid – it's time for your Christmas gift."

"It's still a week to Christmas. Traditionally one doesn't open gifts until Christmas morning or possibly Christmas Eve."

"In your case we are going to make an exception." They walked to the door. Emily stopped for a moment before they opened it. "Reid. I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"The gift I'm going to give you. It's not something you would normally give. But I want you to consider it. Really consider it."

"Uh, OK. I guess."

Emily smiled. "OK. We are going to take my car, since I'm the only one that knows where we are going."

/

The stood in front of the building. Reid's voice rose several octaves, "Emily you have got to be kidding."

"Do you trust me?"

Reid wanted to say yes. To say _I trust you with my life_. More importantly, _I trust you with my heart_. But he couldn't. So instead he nodded and followed her into the building.

**You'll be doing all right with your Christmas of white  
But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas**

A/N I got to admit I don't know about this chapter. I don't think Reid explained well enough. But when I added more it felt like whining which is not the intent. So I hope I adequately described how soul crushing it is to be alone for Christmas. Review and let me know.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N So this is the end. I hope you enjoy. I enjoyed writing a different romance, although I am still more HotcH/Emily.

It was Christmas Eve a week after Spence had told Emily why he hated Christmas. Emily looked around the room.

It looked like a Christmas bomb had exploded in what had once been a somewhat bare and somber room. There was holly. There were garlands. Lights were everywhere. You didn't need to turn on the house lights. There was crystal strung about the room, and some of it was icicle-shaped and clear. The crystals refracted and bounced light. Some were green, some were red. They came in all shapes and sizes: stars, trees, soldiers. She asked him about the crystal.

"It's fragile. There's a beauty to it just because it's beautiful. But the biggest reason I like it is that it's fragile. It has to be handled carefully. But if you're careful, it really is one of the most beautiful things out there," he said simply. Then, as if he had revealed nothing, he continued decorating.

She was a profiler. She heard the subtext; she heard what he wasn't saying. He identified with the crystal. Every time she touched the crystal after that she was careful, more than careful. She wanted him to see that she was different, that she could be careful. Especially with him.

It had been hard to convince him to decorate. He didn't want to do it. "It's a waste – no one is going to see it. I'll spend hours decorating, and then hours taking it down again."

"I'll help. And as for no one seeing it ... what if we threw a party?"

"A party?" he barked out incredulously.

"I'll do all the work. You won't have to do a thing. We'll invite the team, just the team. ... This way you won't have to be alone for Christmas."

He stared at her. _She would help. She'd be around all the time. Could he handle it? Would it be a good thing? Maybe a moment would come when he could say what he wanted for Christmas._ "You promise you'll help?"

She could hear the timidity in his voice; he was afraid she would abandon him the way everyone else had. She stepped forward and put her hand on his arm. "I promise. I won't leave."

_Ever._

Now as she looked over the apartment, she felt a sense of pride kick in. She'd done it. She'd introduced Spencer Reid to the magic of Christmas. He wasn't taking to it quite as much as he did with Halloween, but that was to be expected. Halloween is all about escaping into the identity of another. Something that held great appeal to Reid, who had sometimes wanted not to be different as a boy if only so he wouldn't be picked on and maybe someone would like him.

But this was only their first Christmas together. If she got lucky maybe they would get to spend many more Christmases together.

He sat at the piano and cursed his cowardice. She been with him for days helping decorate the house plan and prepare for the party and still he hadn't got up the nerve to ask her. Not even to give her her gift. _She's not going to laugh at you. She's not like that. She said she was never going to leave._

_She meant as a friend._

_She said ever. _

_She's a beautiful amazing woman, she could have any guy she wants._

Reid started to play, hoping to silence the voice of self doubt. He got so lost in the music that her voice startled him. He almost fell off the bench.

"I didn't know you played."

"Ye-yeah, I, uh, learned as a child."

"It was beautiful. Play some more."

She watched as he lost himself in the music. He was confident. There was none of the shy awkward geeky individual she worked with. There was just a man and the music. It was unbelievably sexy. She was drawn to him like a moth to a flame. It was hypnotic.

The ringing doorbell snapped them out of their collective worlds and back to the present. Both felt like they had been cheated. Frustrated and little disappointed, they went to answer the door.

Hotch and Jack were the first to arrive.

Soon everyone was at the party.

Emily watched as Reid entertained Henry and Jack with magic tricks. The boys clapped in excitement and made him do more and more tricks. She watched as his face got more and more relaxed. He was having fun.

After dinner Reid sneaked away. A couple of minutes later he came out in a Santa suit complete with bushy beard, red bag, and large stomach. He pulled some presents out of the bag and handed them to Henry and Jack. He told them that the gifts and the special delivery were because they were both very good boys and they needed to keep it up. The boys looked up at him in amazement. They nodded their heads. They were going to be extra good next year.

Reid managed to get Garcia alone for a minute, and he pulls a gift out of his bag.

"Reid, we weren't doing gifts."

"I know. But I wanted to make up for a couple of weeks ago. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. And now if you'll excuse me, I have more presents to deliver to all the boys and girls of the world."

Garcia raised an eyebrow.

"OK. Not all the boys and girls of the world. But I do have more presents to deliver."

He pulled Emily aside from the party.

"Spence, where are you taking me? What about the team?"

"They'll be fine. This is just for you."

She stopped speaking after that. She couldn't speak, those words – _just for you_ – pounded in her brain.

He led her back to the room with the piano.

When they stepped into the room the confident Dr. Reid went away, and left in his place was the shy awkward Reid. He nervously pulled a thin long box from his bag. "Th-this is for for for you." he said as he handed her the gift.

/

He turns away, he can't look at her. He wants to run. He wishes he were the Flash. But he can't move – he's trapped in the room. His legs don't work.

She doesn't tear into the package. She holds it reverently. She can tell that he took his time with the wrapping. He wanted it to look beautiful for her. She's almost sad to destroy it. She looks up and sees how nervous he is, how much it's hurting him waiting for her reaction. She quickly tears open the package. She pulls out several sheets of paper.

He wrote her a song. A song titled "Emily."

"Reid." Her voice is so happy. And something else. Something he can't identify, but hopes is love. She hands him the music. "Would you play it for me?"

He nods. He walks over to the piano and starts to play. She listens to the music. It's beautiful. It's about her. He loves her. The music is a love song for her. She strides over to him and puts her hand on his shoulder. He stops and turns. He looks up at her and swallows.

She leans in. She moves slowly. If she's misread this, he has time to move away. He doesn't. He moves in. Their lips met halfway. It's soft and sweet, a test to see if what the other feels is real. They break apart.

"Best Christmas present ever."

"You-you like- liked it."

She sits down on his lap. "Let me show you how much."

/

Later they're in his room. The party is over; the guests have all gone home. She is absently tracing the tattoo on his shoulder. A tattoo she had bought him the night he had told her he hated Christmas.

"Do you like it?"

"I should. I picked it out."

"It's an odd gift, giving someone a tattoo."

"It's a reminder. Something to hold onto when the darkness closes in. When all of the pain and self doubt become too much."

"Can't I just hold onto you?" he retorts cheekily.

She smiles. "Whenever you want."

She takes another look at the tattoo. It's a blackbird flying with broken wings. Under the bird are two lines from the Beatles song.

_Blackbird, fly  
Into the light of the dark black night_

He runs his hands through her hair. He can't stop touching her.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise."

"I promise."

"You were right. Thank you for giving me the best Christmas ever."

A/N Review let me know what you thought. Call it a Christmas present.


End file.
